My Personal Year-in Review

        Well, another year has gone by... I think I will have to do my year-in review, though it won't be as good as Dave Barry's, nor as political minded. I would say that last year was one of the toughest I have had to wade through. I lost both my grandmother (by far, the most painful ordeal I have yet had to go through) and my childhood friend. We made our Christmas card in tribute to my grandmother's memory. This is a close-up shot from our card, just welcoming her home for Christmas.

I have spent several summers solely taking care of her and I would read and talk to her often. I loved her very much and will never stop missing her, but at least I may see her again in Heaven, with God. One of my favorite memories of time spent with her is a few years ago, reading a Victoria Holt book aloud (very well-written Gothic Romance novel). We would both be drawn into that world, commenting on it and enjoying it to it's fullest extent. I just had no one to whom I could really grieve, because my mom was obviously feeling it much more acutely than I could since it was her mother. And this is the first time I ever lost a loved one. God has, as always, been gracious to me, and has spared me anything worse than losing a grandmother who was almost 97 years old. Everyone has to die eventually, so it was her time, but I guess I just don't deal with death too well.
        All throughout this terribly painful time for us, I was also have issues with my childhood friend. Well, to be strictly accurate, they probably began years ago and I was too dense to see them. I thought everything was fine. But there was a definite pattern. I did almost all the initiating in this relationship and I was starting to feel hurt, to feel as if she didn't really care. Well, I made the mistake of telling her about this feeling a little over a year ago, and she  started getting defensive and feeling anger towards me, while at the same time saying she still loved me. Long story short, that episode ended up getting resolved somewhat, when we agreed to meet in a 'neutral' place with a 'mediator.' That meeting was a huge disaster, and I had a distinct feeling it would be since she didn't feel comfortable just having an honest, heart-to-heart conversation with me. It transpired that all her 'neglectful' tendencies towards me were a result of her dislike of my mom. Okay, that would certainly strain a relationship. My mom? Seriously? But somehow, I forget exactly how, we decided to try to get back to the way things were. Well, the whole thing sorta happened again several months ago, except with a few changes. We didn't end up meeting, even in the 'neutral zone', and she simply chose to ignore all my efforts to work things out. I just felt abandoned and confused after all of this. And there's not really anyone I can talk to concerning my old friend.
        So, I think it was mainly as a result of losing these two very important people in my life, that I suddenly jumped into trying to find a match online. However, I have firmly decided that I don't want to pay for any system, because there is no guarantee. And most people online seem rather superficial. I want to find someone who cares more about who I am inside than out; though, I understand that physical attraction is key too. I am also just looking for a friend who isn't too busy to talk or spend time with me. It's partially my age and partially my losses that I feel this lonely. I need to constantly remind myself that life is not all about finding Mr. Right, but rather about glorifying God and enjoying Him forever. So I shall be as patient as I can and perhaps join some hiking meetups :)

Those are the main and most significant events (in my life) from 2015, so I welcome with relief 2016! I'll talk more about world issues later...