I think I mentioned in my year-in review that God seems to have been removing people from my life recently. And naturally I lost contact with a lot of people I knew from college and some friends from even earlier days, so my close relationships have shrunk quite a bit. At this age it's even getting harder to make real friends, for most people are already settled in their lives. For some reason, I still retain hopes of renewing some of my friendships that didn't end well. I thought time would heal whatever happened in the past to destroy these bonds of friendship, but so far that doesn't seem possible. My best friend from Elementary and Middle School, who got mad at me and stopped being friends years ago, is now working at our local library. I have had to go there a few times for my student and each time I saw and interacted with this very old friend (The friendship, not the friend). However, it's surprisingly hard to know where to pick up old friendships, especially when they ended on such a bad note; not simply losing touch.
Yet, that possibility of renewed friendship is not what is forefront in my mind at the moment. The friend I officially lost last year, through a somewhat slow process I admit, is about to get married. In fact, I was with her through a lot of relational issues working up to this point. I realize that it would be so much easier for me to move past this broken relationship if I didn't live so close to her family, some mutual friends, and herself. Well, they did send my family an invitation to the wedding, so I immediately worked up enough courage to attempt to call her. I knew I could not attend this wedding with this painful situation over my head. She wasn't at home, so later that evening I decided to send her a message through Facebook instead of trying to talk to her over the phone again. I'm a wimp with some things, and I didn't have enough courage to call her more than once. The reason I keep saying it takes courage, is because I would have to confront her about her anger, when she might still harbor some of those feelings towards me. Anger makes a person rather unreasonable to talk to. Well, she did actually give me a short reply to my message (which was just asking again what I did to cause this conflict and that we can still try to reconcile our relationship, but I can't go to her wedding until we can actually talk to each other). However, her reply still didn't answer my "why?" question and it was easy to tell that she still couldn't forgive me, much less tell me, about what I did to offend her. She ended with, "we're praying for you." But I don't think those words should ever be said without sincerity and love. In my replies (which she will probably ignore... why break a precedent?), I gave her an idea of the type of prayer I have been trying to pray. A prayer that has the healing of a broken relationship at the heart and not focusing on "make her see where she is wrong." In other words, a more humble approach. To be honest, I do have some of that selfishness in my prayers at times, but I want God to change my heart so I don't let that mindset seep in. I long to sees others the way God sees them and to truly understand where I go wrong. This is the main question which my lost friend blatantly ignored. I guess we have many unanswered questions in this life...
Okay, switching gears a bit, I'd like to talk about my new penpal friend. I joined Christian penpals and sent a few messages to interesting and friendly sounding Christians in the US. Well, I received a couple replies and have started correspondence the old fashioned way :) Of course, it is certainly teaching me patience, but they seem nice and I need a good friend...
Lastly, I want to say that my little brother was inspired one night to write a song for God. He's a little musician :) I really got into it and even added a verse of my own. I haven't had such exciting and happy times for a while.
If Sin Was a
River
Verse 1:
This is a song
on how it’s hard to reach the Holy Son
And if you want
to make a song I’m sure you’ll think of one.
Chorus:
If sin was a river
and you tried to stay afloat
The only way to stay
alive is boarding Christ’s good boat.
Verse 2:
For if you did let
go, and try it on your own
You’d get
dragged down, and surely drown, get crushed right to the bone.
Chorus
10 seconds
Instrumental…
Bridge:
And it’s hard to
reach that boat, but he’ll help you on your way
And row you to
an island where I’m sure you’ll surely stay
Chorus
Verse 3:
The boat is not
that pretty and not that fast, that too
But you are
looking for the man who’d give His life for you
Chorus
Verse 4:
When storms
arise as they surely will; Seek refuge in His arms
Accept this gift
of grace and love and He’ll keep you from all harm
Chorus
Verse 5:
This I think is
the last verse of this tiny song of mine
So have some
dreams about the lord that could be great! Divine!
And if you know
a person, or maybe 3 or 2
That does not
know the Christ our Lord, make him sing this to you.
Chorus
Repeat last line
of chorus 2 times
Fare-thee-well my fellow travelers!
